Day 1 continued...

Finally got my blog to look the way I want it to. I hope this one (my fourth one at least) actually takes off. Normally I would celebrate with a cigarette, and I'm definitely fighting the urge to smoke. I feel anxious and I know that that cig will calm me down, however temporary that may be. As I have decided to officially start reducing the number of cigarettes I smoke in a day tomorrow , I will go and smoke, but smoke a refry to compensate. I need to take my dog for another walk and study for a test, proooolly should go do that.

Day 1

10 cigarettes a day

Well, technically it's not day one, more like day 1/2 since I, only a few hours ago, finally decided to quit for real...and write about it. A scary thought believe it or not. I actually feel panicked about quitting. I am so dependent on nicotine that I become anxious and afraid when I run out. Though I hate each time I suck in a puff or cough up a lung, I still can not bear to live without it. First it was 2 a day, then 5, now 10 cigarettes. I believe it started at an old job, with a combination of my addictive personality and the fact that there was no such thing as "break time". The only time you could get a break was if you snuck off to smoke. Now here I am, completely at Phillip-Morris' beck and call, thousands of dollars poorer, and cronically coughing. Enough. I am done with this. I hate it, it makes me smell, makes me cough, stains me...ick. It's not worth it to me anymore. Wow, I can't believe I'm saying that. It's going to take some...no, MUCH will-power and I will have to believe in myself (a monumental feat in and of itself). I don't believe I can quit, to be quite honest, deep down there isn't that "spark" that motivates me. But I wanted to write a blog about something important, personal, and create a challenge for myself. My blog is my motivation and I believe it will keep me going. So, here we go.

The plan: cut back at least one cigarette every day (starting tomorrow) and choose the times that I smoke and only smoke at those time. Cross my fingers this works! Oh and by the way, welcome to my blog.