I have had one whole cigarette in the past two days plus the couple of puffs I can get out of any of the refries on my porch. Sadly, that supply is now exhausted. The other time I crave a cigarette the worst is when I'm driving. I'm so used to having a cigarette in my hand, I feel naked without one. The thought of jumping in the truck having no music, no cigarettes, and noone to talk to but myself, nearly kills me. I think this is the hardest part for me because driving and smoking go hand-in-hand and old habits die hard.
I was watching T.V. yesterday I saw at least three situations in different shows where people were smoking. I secretly almost cried because I wanted a smoke so bad. It made me angry that I couldn't have one. It's funny how something like a 5 second clip can elicit that range of emotion out of me.
I have a Chri...Holiday Party to go to tonight and I know my quitting willpower will be tested. A couple of people who will be at this party smoke, and I will be tempted greatly. I'm not going to promise I won't have a single cigarette, that is nearly impossible. It's time to have fun and let loose (reasonably) so I know I'll probably have one. But, I still have to keep in mind that I am quitting and I need to be strong. I promise to at least resist grabbing the pack out their hands and cowering in a corner, smoking and nervously looking over my shoulder.
It's been up-an-down these last couple of days. Sometimes, I am confident I can make it through and other times I just want to crawl into the fetal position. But, I am still motivated to stick with it. I'm a proud of the steps I have made, a big one being not buying another pack. I just have to continue doin' what I'm doin' and I know that in the end I will be happier, healthier (maybe those three flights of stairs won't be such a bitch anymore), and in control.
Picture credit: http://bajan.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/frustration.jpg
