Need a Good Laugh...or a Good Cry?

And I thought I had a problem...

Ok, this is just ludacris. I hope the cigarette companies are proud of themselves. He's two for crying out loud! This just shows how easy it is to get addicted and how hard it is to quit.

2010 - Not Over Yet

Well, I went Monday and Tuesday without a single cigarette, simply because I was out. I thought I could make one more day, attempting to summit the three day hump (also know as Mt. Everest) but then the withdrawal and the cravings kicked in hard. By Wednesday I was breaking open the piggy bank, trying to scrape enough of my measly savings together to buy a pack. Good thing I had a coupon from the cigarette company, right? A quick jaunt to the convenience store and I was back to square one...again. I feel extremely disappointed in myself for my lack of control. I'm angry with the cigarette company for making it so easy for them to keep you addicted and take your money. I don't even like the pack that I bought, you know the kind with the menthol ball that you crush in the filter? It literally tastes like you're eating that stuff you rub on your chest when you have a cold. It's disgusting and it really should deter me. But it doesn't and that scares me. Why didn't I just throw that coupon away and suffer through it like a normal person? Where has my will power gone?

On the other hand, I have been trying to take some big steps in improving my life in other ways. I am determined to not live paycheck to paycheck while running from my creditors. I am determined to conquer my anxiety and be happy with my life. I want to grow up. I have been jumping from place to place, job to job, school to school for way too long. I want to get married, have a family, a house, be able to afford nice things. But the fact that I can't seem to quit smoking makes me doubt my ability to improve my life. It brings me to tears frequently. But I know that only I can change my life. I am the one that can make these things a reality. It's a very daunting task and it's hard to convince people that I can do it. But I realize that it's not others that I have to convince, it's me. I have to do this for myself and then other people will come around. 2010 so far unfortunately hasn't been very different from any other year of my life, but there is still 6 months left. The rest of this year is going to be a very different time. I hope that making changes in other parts of my life with aid me in quitting smoking.

It's tough to try an take on an overwhelming number of goals all at once. It's frustrating that they don't just fix themselves and it's extremely frustrating that it doesn't happen in an instant. However, if I decide to break my goals down into a day-by-day process, I know that I can do it. I will do this and I will conquer these challenges. It starts now, it has to.

Idle Hands Make Kristin Something Something...

What? Go crazy? Don't mind if I do!

Ugh, hot and lazy Saturday afternoons and I do not mix. Especially if I'm trying to quit smoking. I'm the type of person that has to stay busy or something inside my head goes SNAP! So I have decided to crochet an afghan. I love to crochet (nerd alert!) and keeping my hands moving literally prevents me from smoking. I made one of these afghans for my best friend and it turned out excellent, if I do say so myself. So, this new one is for my boyfriend. After spending countless days perusing the aisles at the big chain hobby store and clicking on a billion links on the internet searching for that perfect pattern, I eventually gave up and decided to go back to old trusty, the pattern I used for my friend's afghan, the 5 1/2 Hour Throw from Lionbrand.com. Pattern can be found here: 5 1/2 Hour Throw . I used a P hook instead of a Q like it calls for (did I say nerd alert loud enough the first time?) and it works up pretty fast with three strands of yarn held together. So my point to this is that I have much more success quitting smoking if I stay busy, even if that means filling every second with some activity so the nicotine receptors (you know, those nasty little black creatures that you've seen in those commercials) in my brain are distracted.

So with that, I'm off to crochet my cravings away!

Former Smoker Craving A Cigarette - BecomeAnEx.org

I wanted to share this video with my readers from BecomeAnEx.org. Funny as it may be, it hits pretty close to home. I have found myself in similar situations and understand the internal struggle that comes with trying to stay strong. Sometimes, I lose.

If I Wanna Quit, I'm Going Have To Go Through Me First!

Well, I survived. Only smoked one and a half cigarettes out of the three I allowed myself. And get this...I didn't even enjoy them. It's as if my body is trying to tell my mind to give it up by hating the taste and coughing up its own lung. Go body! I am encouraged now that quitting does indeed seem possible.

P.S. Does anybody want to buy a P.O.S. truck?